Tuesday, 22 January 2008

31.

So tonight for some reason I really miss Wez.

Before some of you start jumping down my throat and telling me I'm better off etc etc .. Its okay. I'm not even thinking along those lines. I guess I just miss him, and the person I remember him as before things got nasty. Despite all the drama that happened, I had good times with him and I loved him. I guess the last few months and my misadventures with the opposite sex have made me think about those times.

I miss being cared about, and being one of the most important things to someone.
But at the same time I don't.
It sounds all too confusing but it makes sense to me.

I have sorta realised, that maybe I like to play games more than I will admit. And I don't mean nasty games like fucking people over, or using people.
But I like the chase. I like thinking someone isn't interested in me.. and then if I realise they are interested in me I'm satisfied. But once they actually are. It freaks me out, or I get bored and I back off.

Does this make me a totally cruel bitch? I think in a way its human nature. I think everyone does a little bit of that! Ahh who knows!

I'm a big ball of contradictions at the moment. I'm over meaningless sex and it has just lost all its appeal for me. But at the same time the thought of a full on relationship scares the fuck out of me. And its not what I want.
So.. what do I want?!
I have no idea. And maybe thats a good thing. I think that going through life wanting something so bad - just ends up disappointing you when you don't get it.

Ahh more ranting. I think I overanalyse too much! hehe.
Life is just peachy :D

2 comments:

Karinaxoxo said...

'The Chase' is half the fun!

Just have fun for a while. Chase guys that may not want you back. Go out with ones that you may not normally consider. Eventually you'll get over it and ready to settle down again - but for now...just have fun!

And you know who will be your number 1 'fun with men' buddy?!?! Moi =)

Emmz said...

I know exactly what you mean missy.
And thats what I plan to do!
You're such a wise little dear :)
Ily xx