Monday, 16 January 2012

168.

I've been thinking a lot lately about growing up and moving forward. Naturally thinking about moving forward has made me think about my past and the people in it.
As we go through life, people will inevitably hurt us, and it can be hard to express how we really feel. I decided to write my feelings in a letter. This is a letter to the person that hurt me more than anyone else in my life..

Dear You,

I don't really know how to start this. It's hard to think of all the things that I want to say and how I want to say them without sounding like a crazy, bitter person. 
Despite what anyone may think, I'm not at all bitter.  
Everything that has happened in my life has got me to the point where I stand now. 
But I can't move forward with my life anymore without telling you how I feel. 

I think now, back to the past and everything that happened. 
I tried to blame things on other people, I tried to make others feel like it was their fault.
But now I realise that it was all you. 


At the time I don't think you realised the damage that you were doing to me. 
There were so many times where you made me feel like I wasn't good enough. 
All I remember when I look back is your voice in my ear, in my head. Every step of the way, telling me that I would never measure up. 
I compared myself to other people in those days, and it felt like I would never be worth anyone's time. But that's what you told me, and that's what you made me believe. 

It's difficult to think about all the things that I lost because of you. 
The amazing people that I pushed out of my life, the opportunities that I let pass by, and all of those nights wasted crying in my room because of what you said to me. 

You told me that I was fat, that I was useless, and that nobody would ever love me. 
You told me that I was stupid, and that I'd never make anything of my self.
You told me that it was pointless trying, and so I gave up. 

I don't like to have regrets. But I wish that I had been strong enough to push you away. 
And I wish that I had been brave enough to stand up to you sooner. 
I should have told you that what was happening was wrong.

After all, you are the one that knows me better than anyone else in this entire world. 
You should have loved me, and held me up when I was crashing down. 
You are the one that should have been taking the greatest care of me.

Because, you are me.

It's time to put all of this to rest, and to take a deep breath, smile, and embrace the world. 
Let's do it together. 
You and me and I. 

Yours Sincerely, 
Emma Jane.

1 comment:

Karinaxoxo said...

This post just makes me what to give you a big hug!
:)