49.

So something that I have been thinking a lot about lately is the whole relationship thing. And why I have such terrible luck with men lately.
I think that I might have finally figured it out.
I have come to realise that I don't want a relationship at this stage in my life, and the reason why I am always getting disappointed is because noone is measuring up to what i want. And because I don't really know what I want its really kinda impossible for someone to measure up, when i don't even know what they are measuring up to.
I know this seems completely abstract and probably makes no sense to anyone else but me..
But its kind of like, trying to put a square peg in a round hole so to speak. You can't make someone fit into your life, if there isn't a space for them to fit into.

Another thing that I have sorta realised, is that i don't think there is supposed to be that ONE perfect person for you. Or that its a case of having relationships til you find that one person.
I think that in our lives we have lots of perfect people, people who are perfect for us at that stage in our lives.. and i think that if a lot of people realised that instead of placing so much value on whether that person is 'the one' .. then it would save a lot of drama, hassle etc.

After Wez and I broke up, I vowed that I would not settle for something that was mediocre. And that I would not be with someone until I was 100% sure that it was what was best for me.
And I am still sticking by that, when i meet someone who I'm meant to have around for awhile, I know that I will know.

And at this point in my life, there is so much other stuff going on that I need to focus on, rather than worrying about whether I'm in a relationship or not.
I'm going to be moving soon, as soon as Nikk and I find a house, I am trying to set myself up for a career rather than just going through the motions of a job, and I'm trying to work through my insecurities and to realise that I'm me, and that me is an okay thing to be.

I know that I seem to ramble a lot in this little blog of mine. But hopefully its a rambling that people enjoy reading.
:)