Wednesday, 8 October 2008

67.

I know it's been awhile since my last update, things have just been kinda crazy and I spent a lot of weeks not really coming online.
As usual nothing is ever simple in my life. I don't even know where to start.. but I'm sure that those of you who read my blog still are becoming quite used to my tales of woe and heartache.
I know its completely boring and shit, but it always seems to happen to me.
Some of my friends have told me that maybe I am too focused on finding someone and I need to relax, but I don't think that's the case. I have been single for a year now and I enjoy being single. It's just that everytime I kinda connect with someone, and think.. maybe being Little Miss Single isn't that great, I seem to get my heart wrenched out.
I'm hurt because I feel stupid, because there were certain things over the time we spent together that made me think.. certain moments where I was so damn happy.
And then for him to tell me there wasn't a spark.. it made me second guess myself.
Like maybe I saw things that weren't there.. or maybe I was just a dumb girl with a crush who was too stupid to see the hints that his heart wasn't in it.
But I honestly believed that there was something there.
This one stings particularly hard, because I really really opened up.
I have opened up with other people but not quite so much as this time.
I've learnt my lesson I think. and I know that you have all heard it before.
but. this time. no more.
I'm just not willing to put myself through it anymore, the disappointment and feeling like I'm not good enough.
I know that he said it wasn't anything to do with me, and I've tried to be all cool and I do know where he is coming from in a way because maybe I'm not really ready either.
Ahh god.. it's all so confusing.
Anyways. Who knows what the future holds. Overall I guess that I'm hurt but I don't want to lose him as my close friend, which above all the other shit is what we are. I know I'll be okay its just kinda still stinging a bit.
I think that retail therapy is in order this Saturday.
Most definitely.
:]

1 comment:

Karinaxoxo said...

Isn't it funny, that a few years ago, we thought we'd been thru it all when it came to men!!!
My, how things have taught us otherwise!